Leave the computer. Get some air.

The definitive Wire cover: Man with beard strokes chin

2008-09-11T13:42:00.003+01:00

'Stacy sighed command and whistle rolled river her library eyes'.

2007-04-15T14:35:00.000+01:00

After a long lull, the Spam Poets are back and inspired.
This is better than Burroughs....

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Cardiacs performing The Whole World Window at Surbiton Assembly Rooms, 1985.

2007-03-04T23:56:00.000Z

Flipping heck.

Weirdest chat-up line I've ever received

2006-10-17T10:40:00.000+01:00

...in the form of this email from 'Bea', entitled 'Would you be interested in breakfast sometime this weekend:-) Y.X'
She's obviously a highly regarded Spam Poet as well, I reckon.

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...Er, okay, I'll think about it.

Spam, wilst thou ne'er fritter away?

2006-09-05T23:32:00.000+01:00

I'd like to invent a filter which could transform Proff Charles Soludo's deeply offensive spam-title into 'Lovely Insect Pictures' and make Buz Fullenkamp's obscene message instead read as 'Young girl carrying oldman's shopping.'

This filter would have to leave the preposterous names intact though.
Here are the most striking ones amongst the recent spammers:

Osvaldo Shoemaker
Peyton Wadley
Faustine Tilbert
Zula Tory
Thorburn Cargile
Mekus Lee
Rickey Nance
Zosia Reams
Herbert Huppert
Padgett Teador
Brent Chin
Jordana Vanish
and
Silas Bacon (who wrote to me about 'optician graphics').

I Want To Be a Tree

2006-08-31T01:32:00.000+01:00

by Tim Pope.

I can never find this on vinyl.

'Too. Wonderful' by Defend

2006-07-28T12:20:00.000+01:00

(That's right, more Spam Poetry)

Hiphop. concept.
This hiphop mallach
Belle Casino Air
Measuring cracks.
YAMAMOTO
Banks Hood copy:
At gathering
Account Hall Fame
PERRY EPSTEIN CADY EVANS

Sibling aunt
Bows bang. More...
Geek tips tweak
Only amiable burbs.
Algebraic geometry aided
WALKER. pumping
Turns player/important
Panel Barry Ritholtz
Leong P.K.
Tsang T.K.
Mocks correct.
Pusha T Rick
Darling Fame// RECENTLY

Chris Morris dupes John Stapleton

2006-07-14T18:13:00.000+01:00

Long before creating fake chat shows for Brass Eye, Morris was invading real ones...

Cough! 15.30pm Wednesday 14th June on Resonance 104.4FM

2006-06-13T11:22:00.000+01:00

For half an hour, I shall be playing a selection of songs that feature throat-clearing. Don't ask me why.
Commenting on these tracks will be Hooting Yard's Frank Key & illustrator Felix Bennett.

Tune in, it's going to be fantastic.

Nice Shorts, 15.30pm Wednesday 7th June on Resonance 104.4FM

2006-06-06T10:51:00.000+01:00

A half-hour perusal of small but perfectly formed songs that rarely exceed a minute each, presented by The Dicksonian Institute.

Tune in, it's going to be rubbish.

The further joys of youtube...

2006-05-26T11:27:00.000+01:00

The Breeders perform When I Was a Painter on Snub TV,

the New York Dolls blister their way through Chatterbox

and Sparks masterfully liven up TV-AM.

A bad week to choose some new canvas shoes

2006-05-22T23:13:00.000+01:00

Still, it was worth risking the downpour for the lucky finds I made in Greenwich today.

After devouring a plate of Banks pie & mash (with peas and liquor) at the ever-wonderful Goddard's Pie House (I overdid things by following this with their substantial rhubarb crumble & custard), I swiftly ambled - as best I could, so weighted was I with said dessert, soya mince and pastry - to the Record & 'Tape' Exchange, in the vain hope that those Durutti Column LPs were still there. Indeed there they were, unsnaffled and now a fraction of the previous price. Huzzah.

I was particularly after the one with The Missing Boy on it, an amazing vocal-lead track I heard a decade ago on some compilation or other.
Also waiting on the shelves was 'Spring Hill Fair' by the Go-Betweens, an LP of theirs I never knew existed before my last visit.
Until reading an obituary of the late great Grant Maclennan, I'd always assumed that all of the group's vocals were done by Robert Forster, having never seen them play live. I had similar difficulty as a child in telling the individual Beatles apart vocally, except for Ringo of course.

{Brief interval to herald the splitting of some poor unsuspecting infinitives}

My luck continues; a further flick through that same rack yields 'Me & a Monkey On the Moon' by...

All four albums only set me back twenty-one squid, then I get them home....and they're all flippin amazing!
Side 1 of Spring Hill Fair at last revealed to me the should-be-obvious difference between Maclennan and Forster's vocals, the former's being much gentler.
For the year it came out ('84) and the commercially-styled cover, this album is so wonderfully out-of-place with its era (like most good 80's records), containing unconventional riffs and noises that kick against the perfect pop melodies.
A good example is Part Company. As I write, I have only heard this song once but I can report that whatever I had been doing came to a halt upon hearing the guitar (or is it a squeaking gate?) lurking in the background of this song.

Next up it's Felt.

'A Decade in Music', the inner sleeve declares. Ten LPs and ten singles in ten years was the band's masterplan and in that alone they were successful.
Intimidated by the title of the LP's first track - I Can't Make Love to You Anymore - and the disturbing lyrics to Budgie Jacket which I read on the bus-ride home, I opt for Side 2 first.
It's always weird hearing Lawrence's vocals on a Felt song, seeing as they're poles apart from Denim musically.
Suddenly from the second half of New Day Dawning leaps a grand Teenage Fanclubesque rock-out. This is a total revelation. I had no idea that Felt did this sort of thing. Elsewhere on the LP they sound like Wings, perhaps a taster for the 70's Novelty Rock to come.

The two Durutti Column records are 'Amigos em Portugal/Dedications For Jacqueline' and 'LC'. I'm really stoked that both err on the percussive and clandestine-guitar stuff rather than the electronic funk horror I'd skipped through on their best-of.
Great too that Vini Reilly's vocals are on much of both records.
Mid-listen I was suddenly reminded that they were to play Dingwalls this month. Have I missed it? Bugger, it was last Wednesday. I'm sure that Jim Clarke from Resonance FM would have gone. I'll grit my teeth then ask him whether I missed the best gig ever.

The Missing Boy has just started. So far it sounds as fantastic as I had remembered. The rhubarb crumble should see me through til lunchtime tomorrow...

Truffaut gulps in horror

2006-05-12T12:10:00.000+01:00

Many thanks to Footlebobbin Stairthreat for this cutting.

Spam Slam pt.III

2006-05-06T11:52:00.000+01:00

I haven't had copyright clearance for the reproduction of any of these works. Can spam sue?

This one appears to be entitled 'Condoleeza Rice, lol'

snowball
see symbolic
see mollify
some colatitude
but analgesic
some oregano
on copernican
and lapse it
electrolytic
wellington
on alga
in periwinkle
but parameter
not maim

The 2006 Poetry Spam pt.II

2006-05-06T01:51:00.000+01:00

This late entry from 'Nona Mead'...

it's enmity and creditor see vehicular !
comprehend it's dominican
the kettering , daytona
storehouse on guiana
and brief try garish the westbound
be glare
be arctic

the anglophobia see tail a
embraceable the susie in prussia
or clothe a arcing be burch on cascara
but bureaucrat not
deception see conakry !
chieftain some cure

Spam: The new Beat Poetry

2006-05-05T10:43:00.000+01:00

It's quite refreshing and comparatively pleasant to suddenly be getting Automated Cut-Up Poetry instead of the usual thoroughly offensive spam. How can such inspired paragraphs simply be random automations? I received this one today from 'Lee Blake'...

on pemmican or nutshell try flo !
therapeutic try ergodic the riverfront
but hartley may waggle some amende it scorn !
boris ! handshake !
filler it clip

More Smiths televisual weirdness

2006-05-03T06:31:00.000+01:00

Silver Jews perform UK debut through a furball

2006-04-25T00:31:00.002+01:00

Maybe it was because David Berman was too close to his mic, or perhaps it was the wrong kind of mic.
No, last night's highly anticipated* Joos concert suffered from the Scala and its terminal 'acoustic mud' problem; amps appropriate for Brixton Academy - or perhaps a small outdoor festival - being employed in a smaller, boxier space but nonetheless blasting at arena volume.
I'd pretty much vowed never to go there again for these very reasons. My excitement upon discovering that the S.Js had suddenly renounced their non-live ethic was slightly dampened when I realised they'd be playing at The Venue Formerly Known As a Great Cinema.

Listening to the Bermans & their (excellent) live band in this muffled setting was particularly frustrating because with the Silver Jews, the lyrics genuinely are the central focus.
The desire to get the words you'd paid to hear meant constantly relocating yourself in the people-cramped labyrinthine interior, a journey which included the Fawlty Towers nightmare of walking up stairs to get downstairs.
Finally, my friend Anna and I stood on some seats in an alcove on the third level, just in time to catch the last three songs.
The sound was better from there although all you could see was a guitar neck, a cymbal and D.C. Berman's thinning double crown.

(*which includes the 13 or more years we've all waited to see them play, in some form or other)

Ariel Pink on Resonance FM, Thursday 13th April at 11am

2006-04-05T22:19:00.001+01:00

On February 13th I was lucky enough to chat with Ariel Pink about his path into music, seemingly endless influences (including the legendary R. Stevie Moore) and the strategies Pink has adopted for 'reproducing the unreproducible' live. The show runs from 11am til 12pm and will feature songs not yet released on the Paw Tracks label.
Do tune in!

I shall, I shall...

2006-04-03T00:27:00.000+01:00

I know, I know...

2006-04-01T21:47:00.001+01:00

Most surreal moment in television history

2006-03-25T15:58:00.000Z

Some children interview The Smiths on a bus-trip to Kew Gardens.
In return, the band and Sandie Shaw treat them to a rendition of Jeane, their most genuinely depressing song.

I wonder what happened to Charlie's Bus.

World's first Starbucks

2006-03-25T15:07:00.001Z

...in downtown Seattle, February 2006.
Its exterior is a physical snapshot of a modest coffee shop before it all went wrong. Note the unrecognisable, pre-corporate logo.

"Have you ever had one of those days?"

2005-12-16T14:27:00.000Z

{}'•'{} Collective really are a different deal live

2005-11-09T00:51:00.000Z

WHAT A BAND.
WHAT A BAND.

{}'•'{} {}'•'{} {}'•'{} {}'•'{}

Impaled Northern Moon Forest song-titles

2005-10-17T19:23:00.000+01:00

I bet their fans don't bother shouting for their favourite song at gigs...

1. Grim And Frostbitten Moongoats Of The North

2. Forlorned Invocations Of Blasphemous Congregations Of Lusting Goat Sodomizing Sathanis

3. Gazing At The Blasphemous Moon While Perched Atop A Very Very Very Very Very Very Very Forsaken Crest Of The Northern Mountain

4. Bloodlustfully Praising Satan's Unholy Almightiness In The Woods At Midnight

5. Nocturnal Cauldrons Aflame Amidst The Northern Hellwitch's Perpetual Blasphemy

6. Transfixing The Forbidden Blasphemous Incantation Of The Conjuring Wintergoat

7. Masturbating On The Unholy Inverted Tracks Of The Grim & Frostbitten Necrobobsledders

8. Awaiting The Blasphemous Abomination Of The Necroyeti While Sailing On The Northernmost Fjord Of Xzfgiiizmtsath

9. Lustfully Worshipping The Inverted Moongoat While Skiing Down The Inverted Necromountain Of Necrodeathmortum

10. Awaiting The Frozen Blasphemy Of The Necroyeti's Lusting Necrobation Upon The Altar Of Voxrfszzzisnzf

11. Summoning The Unholy Frozen Winterdemons To The Grimmest And Most Frostbitten Inverted Forest Of Abazagorath

12. Entranced By The Northern Impaled Necrowizard's Blasphemous Incantation Amidst The Agonizing Abomination Of The Lusting Necrocorpse

13. Grim And Frostbitten Gay Bar

...Seems they finally ran out of steam on the last one!

One of my favourite Peel moments

2005-10-15T19:27:00.000+01:00

...on Shooting Stars a decade ago and notably for the athletic skill with which he leapt into the pram.

Great Window Displays, Pt.1

2005-09-23T16:32:00.000+01:00

The Human Genome window display was designed by Doshi Levien and can be seen at the Wellcome Trust's Euston headquarters, along with Thomas Heatherwick's mind-blowing 'Bleigiessen' sculpture in the building's interior.

I hope both remain there forever but highly recommend you see it a.s.a.p, just in case it gets taken down tomorrow.

The Wellcome Trust is situated at the Gibbs Building, 215 Euston Road, London NW1 2BE.

Paul McCartnearly

2005-09-14T09:26:00.000+01:00

The horror... the horror...

Take me Wayback to 1996!

2005-08-31T13:45:00.000+01:00

I still can't get my head around Archive.org's Internet Archive, also known as the Wayback Machine. How can it possibly excavate old versions of a website long after they have been laid to rest?
Usually you only get the skeleton layout of a web-page. However, in many cases, things are just as they were back in, say, February 1997.

Now that the net is a decade old or nearabouts, it's fascinating to see how primitive some websites were, especially the ones belonging to affluent companies, governments and soon-to-be governments. In fact, one of the first things I did was look up this is looking up Labour's website.

You get glimpses of Britain long before it was dragged into war and of Labour shortly before it was rebranded as 'New'.
You can even still attend the 'Virtual 1996 Labour Conference', should you want to.

Staying in that same year, my next portal of call was the online NME (during the years when it was still vaguely readable), an almost unrecognisable Google from '98 and a completely intact Belle & Sebastian session from John Peel's web-page in 2002!
It was also really interesting to get a first-hand view of Friends Reunited's humble beginnings in 2000, before it was sold to some big conglomerate.

There is of course a moral quandry surrounding such an invention.
I wonder if website owners know that earlier versions of their site are available, featuring content they may no longer want to be out there.

Note: Since posting this, I've read several articles from this year about the Machine's future being threatened by a lawsuit.
p.s: I also found Blogger™ c.1999! I'm bored, aren't I! Blogger™ c.1999

Car makes getaway from advert in Park Road

2005-08-15T14:19:00.000+01:00

This is now my favourite joke of all time...

2005-07-30T22:36:00.001+01:00

O and 8 meet up.
O says "Nice belt!"

London's most knackered fence

2005-07-28T17:58:00.000+01:00

A fence made not of wood but wafer biscuits.

Graffitree

2005-07-28T17:53:00.000+01:00

This beautiful tree obviously didn't give enough shade, so some plucky Highgatian has applied some more.

Positiffiti

2005-07-19T23:31:00.000+01:00

Whilst waiting at Sileby station last week, I was pleased to discover this amid the usual BNP nonsense and 'Tony Blair is gay' scratchings.

Gallivant finally out on DVD

2005-07-10T15:30:00.000+01:00

Huzzah! At last it's out and not only that, it comes with a second disc containing a dozen of Andrew Kötting's short films.
Seeing this film will enrich your life.

A timely reminder too that nice things do happen on this planet.

Pink Floyd and Duvets

2005-06-24T09:35:00.001+01:00

"Lying on an eiderdown"

"Lighter than an eiderdown"

"A cloud of eiderdown"

Next week: Kevin Ayers and bananas.

What you THOUGHT the lyrics were

2005-06-22T10:00:00.000+01:00

It's usually a great disappointment when you read the lyric sheet of an album and discover the real words for the first time. Yours were usually better despite them not making any sense.
It's a bit like when you discovered that the theme-tune to Only Fools and Horses wasn't sung by Nicholas Lyndhurst.

My favourite misheard lyrics are:

• Apology Accepted by The Go-Betweens:

"Too proud to hang my head
In shame beside your big butt."

• Fast Cars by the BuzZcocks: "Sooner or later, you're going to listen to Darth Vader"

• Naïvely thinking that the P.W.E.I. 'classic' was called something more innocent than it's actual title, Beaver Patrol.
In the Indie clubs of my youth, I'd yell "Vivaaaa Controllll!!!" Only years later would I realize my error, an error I'm actually quite proud of now.

My mind has gone blank for more examples. Would be nice to have a contest and find the best!

Stan Tracey's Under Milk Wood, Radio 2*

2005-05-24T20:35:00.000+01:00

If you get a chance to see one of the special 40th anniversary Under Milk Wood concerts by Stan Tracey and his Quartet...OR if you are near a radio on Monday 2nd May, er, DO IT!!!

Last Friday, the lapwing and I were lucky enough to hear Tracey and band - complete with Bobby Wellins on saxophone - bring to life this amazing album.
If this wasn't wonderful enough then to the right of the band were Philip and Ruth 'Hi-De-Hi' Madoc and the genial Victor Spinetti, who each performed selected passages from the original play. All three actors were amazing.
I'd never been to the Mermaid Theatre in Blackfriars before but the venue's acoustics are fantastic.

STAN TRACEY IS A GENIUS!

The Customer's Fear of the Shop Copy

2005-05-20T19:18:00.000+01:00

I'm trying to shirk the reputation I have acquired for myself at Rough Trade and Sister Ray for being a 'condition of new vinyl' obsessive freak but am finding this very hard. I like my 33/3rpm crackles but only when I'VE made them.

The usual syndrome is buying the LP a few weeks after it was released. You ask if it is still in stock and then feel your heart sink as the proprietor reaches for the already-played, finger-marked final copy and then wanders off to fetch from the rack its dog-eared sleeve, already disfigured by the force of many thumbs. Gaaaaah!!!
By this stage, it feels too late to say you've decided not to take it after all. Before running you out of the shop, the staff are sure to hold you down on the counter and brand the words 'LOSER' into your forehead.

Yesterday was no exception and as I left RT with my worn copy of Worn Copy by Ariel Pink, I wondered what would be better: Turn around and take it back or wander into a nearby psychiatrist's office.

Let's get the swines who did this to Beck!!!

2005-05-15T14:36:00.002+01:00

Was it L. Ron Hubbard's mob?

Terrance Dicks intervWho

2005-05-13T13:19:00.000+01:00

Fab interview with the legendary Dr. Who writer and script editor!

(I'm using the word 'legendary' a lot this week...but with good reason!)

Photograph by Steve Dicks

Abba Tribute Graveyard

2005-05-09T16:09:00.000+01:00

The best (i.e: worst) assortment of lookanothinglikes so far!
Here, all the tribute Abbas, Bee Gees and Blondies are lumped onto the same page to battle it out with each other. The quality of Bjorn or Chris Stein-alike goes down in tandem with your scroll-bar.

Tribute acts usually show great imagination in picking names.
Take, for instance, Michael Stipe and co's dopplegangers 'R We Them?'. On this page we are offered 'Fake Bee Gees'. Good work, lads!

n.b: I've already booked Jawonderquai for my next birthday.

The best comment on Blogging yet, written by a Blogger

2005-05-06T18:31:00.001+01:00

Crushingly embarrassed by the awful truths it has exposed, I shall now retire from blogging forever.
(Correction: I shall now say that I will retire from blogging forever.)

A Toast to Bob Copper

2005-05-06T17:32:00.000+01:00

I've had some time to reflect more upon the amazing all-day 'Toast to Bob', which the baby duck and I attended at Cecil Sharp House last Saturday.

Musicians, from The Rakes and compere Shirley Collins to Martin Carthy and Billy Bragg, sang for and fondly remembered this gentle man who'd rescued from oblivion the very songs they were singing. The highlights were unquestionably The Copper Family's warm, harmonic performances.

Never have I been to a musical event where the entire audience is singing every single song with the same command as the people onstage.
The acoustics are exceptional in that main hall anyway, so the combined effect made you feel as if the songs must have been reaching the entire borough of Camden!

Onstage, his son John Copper said of the event, "Bob would have loved to have been here today but I suppose if he hadn't died then none of it would've happened."

(More info on Bob Copper and his family amid the Links section)

Tony Blair

2005-05-06T14:39:00.000+01:00

Too disturbing for words. (Except these ones)

The same agency, Fake Faces have even got 'people who look like comedians' on their books:
Peter Kay, Little Britain...even someone doing Bo Selecta doing Craig David!

David No-wie

2005-05-06T09:12:00.000+01:00

Click on his face for some Seriously Bad Moonlight

David Baddiel

2005-05-05T15:42:00.000+01:00

If you've got glasses and a beard, you're already there.

Anne Robinson

2005-05-05T15:38:00.000+01:00

Errol Brown

2005-05-05T15:28:00.000+01:00

I've returned to my old favourite wastetime of finding the best worst celebrity lookalikes.

What must it be like, making a living from looking like someone else?

What must it be like, making a living from looking NOTHING like the person you're meant to be impersonating?

(Click on above heading for full horror)

Album of the Year so far!

2005-05-03T11:32:00.001+01:00

'Will You Be My Friend', 'Hippy Blankets' and the English whimsy overload of 'All Petty Substance Flee' are my current faves.
An abundance of harmonies and lovely Bollywood strings also feature.

How to get it: Send £10 sterling payable to “Alcohol” , PO Box 556, London SE5 0RW.

"Shunt me into next month or something. With a lorry."

Most beautiful sound in the world

2005-05-02T22:35:00.000+01:00

Three ducks landing softly in Kenwood pond this evening.
Sigh...

''The East Side Bunny''

2005-03-31T16:48:00.000+01:00

Simon Munnery did one of his best shows yet on Resonance FM today, taking an ariel mic out onto Denmark Street and describing the scene before him.
This included a diesel-run police car, a pigeon and also some builders "carrying their lucky, lucky wood".

Munnery also imparted yet another hilarious Malcolm Hardee anecdote. I often kick myself for never visiting Up the Creek when Hardee was still a compere.

p.s: This isn't the debut post for my Blog.
The first two were so embarrassing that some Stalinesque re-writing of 'history' had to be employed.
Shame on me.